Memories of a Samurai
by 8Iniquity8
Summary: Kagura and Shinpachi are stuck in Gintoki's memories! Stuff happens, and one way or another, they gotta destroy this thingamajig in order to get out of Gintoki's head and not kill him, hahaha best summary ever
1. The Memory Machine

**Author's Note:**

I have no clue what I'm doing... (=_=) Reviews about what to write about would be nice.

_no reviews = no clue what to write_

_no clue what to write = sucky author_

_sucky author = chapters will not come_

_chapters will not come = sucks for you_

_sucks for you = unhappy readers_

You catch my drift?

* * *

**Chapter 1: The Memory Machine**

Before he left, Gengai added one more thing, "And remember, don't touch anything!"

Who knew just a simple sentence could mean so much? It wasn't like Kagura meant to do it, but it was shiny, and flashy, and it had buttons that were shaped like sukonbu you know?! It could've totally been a sukonbu machine, but nooo, it just had to be a potentially dangerous weapon/machine.

As soon as the countdown from ten started, the panic occurred.

"AAAH! IT'S GONNA BLOW! IT'S GONNA BLOOOOOOW!" Shinpachi screamed, instantly losing it as he jumped away from Kagura, only to have it chucked into his gut.

"I'M NOT HOLDING IT! WHAT IF IT EXPLODES?! THE HEROINE CAN'T HAVE THAT HAPPEN TO HER FACE YES?!" Kagura shouted, quickly darting away.

"HERE! A PRESENT GIN-SAN!", Shinpachi quickly passed it over in a violent fashion.

"HOOONONONONO, Y-YOU'RE TOO K-K-KIND P-PATSUAN, B-BUT IT'S THE M-M-MAIDEN WHO SHOULD GET THE G-GIFT NO?!" Gintoki stuttered, throwing it in Kagura's direction (and hitting her head).

"THEN THE OLDEST ONE SHOULD TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY YES?!" Kagura said, passing it to Gintoki.

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, YOU'RE THE ONE WHO DID IT!" Gintoki shouted, returning it.

"SHOULD THE MAN NOT TAKE THE RESPONSIBILITY FOR THE LADY?!" Kagura retorted, tossing it to the straight man.

"WE ALL KNOW THE TRUE MAN IS GIN-SAN!" Shinpachi roared, putting it in his bosses hands.

"W-WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT, I WILL FOREVER REMAIN A 10 YEAR OLD AT HEART-" Gintoki protested.

"JUST TAKE IT!" Kagura and Shinpachi both screamed, shoving it at their boss just as a bright white light just started to break through the confines of the small round machine.

There was a loud, Earth-shattering boom, and all was pure white. It was extremely bright everywhere. It was hard to breathe, their ears were ringing. That was the last thing Shinpachi and Kagura remembered, before everything faded into darkness.

* * *

The musty scent of hay and damp grass was the first thing Kagura felt when she stirred. Slowly the painful throbbing headache faded away and she could feel her fingers and toes again. Upon opening her eyes, she had to blink a few times until everything came into focus.

It was grey everywhere. The grass, the trees. The sky. Wait, where's Shinpachi and Gin-chan?

"Gin-chan! Shinpachi?" Kagura began sitting up, only to find him right beside her, also starting to wake up.

"Where...?" Shinpachi mumbled, peeling an eye open as pieces of grass sticking stubbornly to his face.

"Dunno Patsuan, do you think this is heaven?" She asked, looking around, "That must mean mommy is around right?"

"Possible," Shinpachi replied, "OOOH! That must mean otou-san is here too... but the last time I heard, heaven was a nice and sunny and happy place."

"THAT MEANS WE MUST BE IN HELL, YES?!" Kagura jolted, jumping to her feet, "NOOOO! IT'S NOT MY FAULT! I DIDN'T MEAN TO DO IT YES?! I ONLY DID EVERYTHING MOMMY AND GIN-CHAN TOLD ME TO YES?! I HID THE BODY SO WELL!"

"OOOOI WHAT DID YOU DO?!" Shinpachi cried, "WHAT WAS THAT YOU SAID?! WHAT WAS THAT ABOUT A BODY YOU SAID?!"

"Shut uuuup."

Shinpachi and Kagura turned towards the voice source, only to find a child leaning against a tree. He was clutching a bloody sword tight to his chest and had glowing maroon eyes, that seemed to pierce their own. He wore a simple blue kimono with white linings. There was something about his hair that was so annoyingly familiar... that silver messy mop-like hairstyle...

"GIN-SAN?!" Shinpachi exclaimed, just as Kagura's eyes widened in realization, "IS THAT YOU?!"

The child stayed silent for a moment, eyes narrowed with pursed lips, before murmuring, "how do you know my name?"

"Eh? What do you mean?" Shinpachi asked, seeming a little confused, "You're our boss aren't you? And why are you so small?"

"Boss?" the child asked, scratching his silvery head, "Sir, are you high?"

Shinpachi blinked, "eh?"

"It might be better if you lie down a bit, 'cus I'm sure whatever beating you received gave you some pretty bad brain damage," the little version of their boss replied, while walking away, "I'll go get some food."

"Beating?" Shinpachi asked, getting more and more confused by the minute.

The kid glanced back in concern and kept on walking, "Just stay there! I'll be back!"

"With food!" Kagura chirped, eyes sparkling with excitement.

Lil' Gin-chan rolled his eyes and walked away, "...and to think I expected a 'thank you'... ingrates..."

He returned around 10 minutes later, with two rice buns in his hands and a roasted fish stuck on a stick in his mouth, running at full speed.

"Hwere" He mumbled through the fish, "Fwood."

As they started to chow, the silver haired child began to talk.

"Man, imagine how surprised I was to be walking and to find you two on the ground! I mean, I thought you were just a corpse or something but when that evil Chinese lady started mumbling something about demonic sukonbu contraptions, it really surprised me!" He rambled, as he ripped at the fish flesh with his teeth, spitting out bones, "Peh! Geez fish bones are so annoying! They're like watermelon seeds but instead they prick at your throat if you swallow them! Evil I tell you! It's like the evil fish bones ghost is getting his revenge or something you know? But h-h-hahaha, I-I'm not scared of g-ghosts at all, nope! I f-f-find them hilarious! Funny! I r-relish in fear!"

"Uh huh," Kagura said, chewing on her rice ball, "there's a ghost behind you."

The child became silent, as he almost dropped his fish. He shook his head rapidly and seemed to shrink smaller and smaller by the minute, eyes wide with fear, "I-Is that a joke 'mam? Aha... ahaha...ha, v-v-v-v-veryyyyy funny, hehe... no r-really? Tell me it's a joke! Please let it be a joke!" he squeaked.

"Kagura-chan's just joking," Shinpachi said, grinning a bit at the child's fear of ghosts, "Hi I'm Shimura Shinpachi by the way."

"m'S-Sakata Gintoki", he whimpered, still high on alert for anything supernatural, "If you didn't get a beating, why were you two unconscious?"

"Um... give us a sec," Shinpachi answered, and pulled Kagura in to form a huddle.

_"What do we do? It seems like we're not dead after all," Shinpachi whispered, "And, GIN-CHAN IS A KIIID!"_

_"Patsuan, don't you get it? This is our subconsciousness-aru!" Kagura said, "none of it is really happening!"_

_"Nooononono, it's as if we traveled back in time!" Shinpachi murmured, "I mean, look at Gin-chan! Look at our surroundings! It's like we've gone back to the war!"_

_"Shinpachi, how unreal can you get? Psh, I knew you were still reading Gin-chan's Shonen Jump, you can't fool me," Kagura grinned, "Only a stupid angsty teenager could think of a story this stupid."_

**...I apologize**

_"Wuho! Who was that?!" Shinpachi gasped, looking around, "God?"_

**Yes, please refer to me as God. Actually, don't. That would offend so many religions...**

"Who are you?!" Kagura asked out loud.

"Eh? What are you, deaf? I told you, I'm Sakata Gintoki," The child said, licking his fingers, "Are you almost done? I'm tired of waiting."

"Sorry! We just gotta talk a little bit more to make sure we're still sane and we're not going crazy, and that this is actually happening. By the way, what year is it?" Shinpachi asked.

"Shinpachi-kun, it's the 1850's," the kid drawled, "the war? Amantos? It's everywhere. Listen to old women gossip more."

_"Kagura-chan, I think we're skrewed."_

_"Nonsense! Don't stop~ Beliiiievin'! Hold on to those feeeeeeelings~~~!"_

_"Kagura-chan, I think we're skrewed."_

_"Oi oi Patsuan, you gotta keep hope yes? Hey God! What's happening?"_

**...Allow me to explain. I am a complex mechanism that is able to scrummage through the brain and open the cabinets of memories itself. I can send people back and forth in the time of memory depending on who I've touched and who's past is most desired.**

Now that they thought about it, they had been wondering about the stupid perm-head's history for a while now and have been getting nada in return. It was high-time for some fan service, seriously!

**I have sent you back in time to one the most important events of his life. Of course, if his memory was actually manipulated, it would completely change and potentially destroy his brain, and maybe end his life. So that is why a safety protocol has been set so that no one in the memories should be able to see you.**

_"But Gin-san sees us."_

**Does he? Checking database... scanning for errors... potential virus has been found. It seems that all safety protocols have been switched off by an unknown source.**

_"Does that mean Gin-chan's brain will...?"_

**If you affect his memories too heavily, he will have a mental breakdown and possibly lose himself. Possibility of breakdown is 92% at the moment and steadily increasing, as your very existence is incorrect according to his CNS.**

_"What?!"_

**It is strongly suggested that you move away from him now, as mental breakdown is starting to initiate.**

"Ugah!"

Kagura and Shinpachi turned around to find little Gin-chan on his knees, trembling. The whites of his eyes showed and he started foaming a bit at the mouth. The world started to distort. He started to scream, a chilling tormenting howl as blood poured out of his mouth, nose and eyes. Everything started melting like cream cheese.

**Calculating... chances of host death is 83%. Care to proceed?**

"WHAT ARE YOU TALKING ABOUT?! HOW DO WE STOP THIS?!" Shinpachi roared, as Kagura ran over to the child version of their boss in attempt to help.

**Would you like to reset all settings? 3 resets available, enables one to completely-**

"DO IT! AS LONG AS GIN-CHAN DOESN'T DIE, DO IT!" Kagura screamed, panicking as the small torso of the child began to disintegrate into ashes in her blood-covered hands.

Almost as immediately as it started, suddenly it ended. With a bright flash of white light and a loud ringing sound, everything became dark. The next thing they knew, they were lying on the ground and once again left there with a painful throbbing headache.

"What was that?!" Shinpachi asked, eyes wide and alert.

**All actions upon arriving in memory zone has been erased. 2 more resets remaining.**

"You can do that? Then can you get us out of here?", Shinpachi said.

**Very well. Initiating... terminating programs... error, exit prevented by unknown source. The route to leave the current area is blocked.**

"...So we're stuck yes?" Kagura asked, "Are we going to remain as Hansel and Gretel in the wicked witches house forever? I call being Gretel, 'cus I'm not gonna be the fat one okay?"

**There is two ways to escape. One, commit suicide. Two, find the unknown source and get rid of it, then the route back would be unblocked and I would be able to send you back to the conscious world easily.**

"I like two better," Kagura decided.

"Me too!" Shinpachi added.

"But I thought you always wanted to become number one Shinpachi! This is why you won't ever become Shinichi, you puny number 8," Kagura said, eyes crunching up in pity.

"Oi, I happen to like living you know!" Shinpachi exaggerated.

**Option 2 it is. Please get rid of the abnormalities. I will send you to the first destination with the most errors.**

"How do we know what's an error?"

**You will know it when you see it...**

The two yorozuyas blinked, as they saw their feet beginning to fade, and the same empty sensation spread to their chests, and the next thing they knew, they were gone.

* * *

_**Beeehind the scenez: part 1**_

_A pair of half-lidded maroon eyes stared up at him with irritation. A familiar silver-haired mop-like hairstyle and the classic picking of the nose. It couldn't be... could it?_

_"G-G-Gin-san?!" Shinpachi asked, slightly confused as he stared down at the much younger version of his boss, "Why're you so small?"_

_"Think Patsuan, use that useless brain of yours," Gintoki muttered, "why do you think the gods of this world would turn me, the super awesome Gin-san, back to when he was still a brat?"_

_"Um, uh, maybe-"_

_"Exactly! Fan service is what the whole world is all about these days," Lil' Gin-san sighed in exasperation, "Look at me, what have they done! I may look small and cute but don't be fooled, I still have those abs that I took so many years training when I became the fierce and almighty Shiroyasha!"_

_Kagura peeked in the scene, roaring with laughter "HAHAHA DON'T BE FOOLED EVERYONE! I SAW GIN-CHAN STARING AT THE BATHROOM MIRROR SHIRTLESS A FEW SCENES BACK YES?! HIS TUMMY WAS AS FLAT AS SUKONBU!_

_"SHE LIIEEES!" Gin-chan cried, face flushed red with embarrassment, "THAT IS SO NOT TRUE, MY ABS WERE AS FIRM AND 8-PACKED AS EVER!"_

_"Gin-san, it's not good to lie you know~," Shinpachi said slyly with a triumphant grin, "It's okay if you don't have abs you know~~"_

_"HOOOAAA WHAT'S WITH YOUR CHARACTER CHANGE?!" Gin-chan roared, kicking Shinpachi in the nuts, "GLASSES-BOY TURNED SO OUTTA CHARACTER! DO YOUR JOB AUTHOR! GLASSES BOYS SHOULD STAY QUIET AND PLAY STRAIGHT MAN LIKE THEY'RE SUPPOSED TO!"_

_Shinpachi squeaked as his man-berries were hit, and slowly slid down to the floor as Gin-chan kept throwing his tantrum, "...c-critical hit..."_

_"YOU'RE JUST HAPPY YOU FINALLY HAVE BIGGER ABS THAN I DO AREN'T YOU?! EEEEHHH?! WELL LISTEN UP MEGANE, THOUGH YOU MIGHT HAVE BIGGER ABS, YOUR BALLS ARE STILL AS SMALL AS EVER!"_

_**...to be continued!**_


	2. I'm a S!

**Author's Note:**

This chapter contains some S&M action, sort of based on what I know about it (most of what I know comes from Gintama, looool). When doing a lil' research on the topic, Google presented me with a lot of things I didn't really want to know, hahaha I'm scarred for life.

It might get a teeensy weeeeeensy bit heavy towards the end but I assure you, unless you got a really creative imagination (enough to clearly visualize the characters and their every little detail as they move, speak, swallow, breathe, sweat, blink, etc.), that it's nothing too bad.

But the good news is: hey! Another chapter! Because one thing I hate the most is when I'm reading a pretty interesting story, only to find that there's no more chapters. Grrr.

Chapter was based on Risa5995's review (thaaanks).

Thank you all for the ideas! Thanks for all of the reviews!

* * *

**Chapter 2: I'm a S!**

They found themselves in a red light district. Not the best place for innocent teenager eyes, but years of visiting the Yoshiwara had turned the view into an ordinary scene. The difference between the two though, was that everything was older, flashy electronic signs were replaced with hand-drawn pictures and lettering, and it was definitely not underground.

"Hey there cutie, would you like to come with me...? (ugh, how boring, more brats)" a hot lady murmured, purposefully showing off her big racks, "I'll give you a discount if you're under-aged~ (but secretly raise the price far higher than usual fees~)"

"BUUUUGRAAAAHH!" Shinpachi exclaimed, blood splurting out of his nose like a waterfall.

"Oh a cherry boy? How adorable(ly normal and boring)~~!" the lady giggled, until Kagura falcon-punched her in the face.

"YOU'LL NEVER TAKE PATSUAN'S VIRGINITY WHILE I'M AROUND!" The Yato shouted mightily, and marched off with Shinpachi trailing behind her, "No need to worry Shinpachi, I got your back!"

"O-okay," Shinpachi said, while thinking _'oi, isn't protecting the heroine supposed to be my job? Am I being degraded into a burden? Well, she's more like a mountain gorilla in the first place so I guess it's oka-'_

"My feeling-annoyed senses are tingling," Kagura mumbled, performing a roundhouse kick and digging the soles of her feet into his face.

After passing a few love hotels and a few suspicious-looking toy shops, they had almost forgotten about the mission, as they were a little wrapped up in defending the virginity of a pair of glasses and feeling bewildered by dirty woman with big racks.

"DAMMIT!" Kagura growled, taking out rage on a obscene S&M sign, "WHY WON'T ANYONE TRY TO PICK ME UP?! IT'S ALWAYS SHINPACHI, SHINPACHI, SHINAPCHI! WHATS WRONG WITH ME?! AM I NOT BEAUTIFUL AND SEXY?!"

"Well," a samurai with crazy silver-hair said, rubbing his chin in thought, "your chest has absolutely zero sex appeal -the values may even reach negative numbers- unless you're a pedophile. Not to mention the mountain gorilla-ish way you're beating up that S&M sign."

Shinpachi once again felt a strong feeling of nostalgia, until he realized who the lackadaisical man in the black kimono was.

"Kagura-chan look, it's Gin-san!" Shinpachi said, pointing at the man before quickly shutting mouth, "I mean, uh, let's go somewhere else gorilla-san!"

"WHO'RE YOU CALLING A GORILLA?!" Kagura roared, and drop-kicked Shinpachi, before dragging the bloody glasses away.

**I do not really care, but I feel the need to remind you about your purpose of coming here in the first place.**

"Oh YEAH..." Kagura gasped, and slapped Shinpachi conscious, "OI SHINPACHI! THIS IS NO PLACE FOR SLEEP!"

"And who was it that put me to sleep in the first place?" Shinpachi groaned, with a swollen eye and a bruised forehead, "...God-san, I don't see any abnormalities in this area. It seems perfectly ordinary for a red light district."

**As I have said, you will know when you see it, and obviously, you haven't seen it yet. Please have caution and be quick, as time is ticking. Percentage of breakdown: 7.28% and increasing.**

"MOTHER OF GAAAWD!" Kagura yelled for no apparent reason and ran off while putting on shiny James Bond sunglasses, "LET'S HURRY PATSUAN!"

"Geez, she sure is enthusiastic," Shinpachi said, and quickly followed.

* * *

After 3 hours of failing to find anything unusual, they decided to stalk Gintoki. After all, if anything screamed "STRANNNGE", it had to be their scum of a boss. Following the 101 rules of Gorilla-ninja-tetsu, they crawled on rooftops and hid under flooring, listening carefully to every world of their victim.

"S&M huh? I've never done it before, but it sounds like something to try," Gintoki mumbled, seeming to be deep in thought as he stood in front of the most colorful building Shinpachi and Kagura have ever seen, "I heard Bakatsugi comes here often. What does he do, get whipped? HA! THAT'S A LAUGH, I'D PAY TO SEE IT! Oh that came out a little weird if you think about it."

Lumbering up to the front counter, he threw down a wad of money he had earned from war and asked the busty front desk clerk in a nurse costume for a course.

"Would you like a S course or a M course?" the front desk clerk asked, with a alluring smile, "Of course, you could also have both if you like..."

Well, obviously a S course. But suddenly, lightning dramatically flashed in the background with a bang and Gintoki became filled with doubt. Was he a S? Or was he a M? The two thoughts rocked back and forth, side to side, thrashing violently in his head and he was completely confused.

S? He often tended to kick Sakamoto's butt because of the stupid way the bastard pronounced his name.

M? That doesn't exactly mean he's a sadist, after all, what if he really was a masochist...

S? He didn't think getting beat up would feel really good.

M? But he never tried getting beat up on purpose... S or M? M or S? SM? MS? SMSM? MSMS?SMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMMSMSMSMSMSMMSMSMSMSMSMSMMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSSMSMMSSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSMSSMMSMMSSMSMMSMSMSMSMMSMSMSMSMSMMSSMMSMS?!

The smiling clerk felt a drop of sweat roll down her forehead. She watched as the man went from standing straight up, to slowly shrinking and then wobbling back and forth nervously. The act was too pitiful to watch.

"Judging from what I just saw, I'd say you're more of a M," She stated, "Would you like that?"

Lost in his thoughts, he nodded and was led away by big bulky men in black towards the torture chambers of masochism._  
_

_"Everyone is a masochist at heart Patsuan," Kagura answered, "that's what Gorilla-san told me."_

_"Are we really going to watch this?" Shinpachi grimaced, "The mistress won't strip herself will she?"_

Gintoki was led into a dark room, and was suddenly forced to the ground, before being tied up into a bondage. His hands were tied behind his back and he was left crouching on the cold ground. He had his eyes covered, so he couldn't see. Then he heard the clicks of some high heels clacking on the ground, and the sound of a whip being smacked.

"Oh so you're the new pig huh?" She purred, slamming her sharp heels hard on his back, "You ready for some S&M action, sweets?"

"D-d-uh, ah, uhm," he said, still a little confused and was instantly whipped on the cheek.

"It's, '_yes, please_ _mistress'_," she snarled.

The slap instantly awoke him from his daze. The quick-tempered Shiroyasha felt a dark boiling sense of anger deep in his gut, "'mam, you've got some serious issues, but let me tell you this-"

He tensed and swiftly escaped from the ropes and lifted her chin to look into his intense maroon eyes, "when you meet someone new, you gotta introduce yourself nicely. Hello, my name is Sakata Gintoki..."

Gintoki grabbed the whip and whipped her hard on the tushy, "NICE TO MEET YOU MISTREEEESS!"

"Ugah!" She squealed, and fell on all fours, while Gintoki stepped on her and whipped her hard.

"HOW DOES THAT FEEL HUH? HOW DOES IT FEEL TO GET HIT INSTEAD OF DOING THE HITTING?!" Gintoki demanded loudly, all while snapping the whip as if he'd been doing it all his life, "YOU LIKE IT? YOU ENJOY IT?!"

'I-Incredible...' the mistress thought deliriously, as her body shook from the impact of the whip, 'his technique, his skill... even though I'm a sadist myself... this is turning me oonnn~~~"

_"Kagura, I think this is the part where we look away," Shinpachi whispered, "Any further and this fanfiction won't be 'rated T' anymore."_

_"But Shinpachi! It's just getting to the good part!" Kagura protested, "Don't you read any of those funny books Gin-chan does?! It's always the part where the woman starts squealing!"_

_"OOOI WHAT ARE YOU READING?!" Shinpachi cried, with a heavy blush of embarrassment on his face, "YOU SHOULDN'T READ THOSE BOOKS KAGURA, THEY'LL TAINT YOUR PURE SOUL BLACK!"_

_"Don't even try Shinpachi," Kagura snorted, "Gin-chan told me that you read the funny books too, he says all boys of your age do. Gin-chan also told me to upper-cut whoever dares defile me."_

_"I-Is that so..." Shinpachi said, but secretly thought, 'But there's no need, nobody would want to anywa-'_

_"MY FEELING-INSULTED SENSES ARE TINGLING!"_

* * *

**_-Half an hour later-_**

The mistress lied flat on her stomach in a sprawled position, panting, sweating and trembling from what had just happened (aaannd that's all I'm gonna say). She chuckled happily, and told Gintoki, "My, you sure are a fierce one... why are you here dear, you're clearly a S."

Gintoki, who was seated on the ground across from her, looked at the whip in his hands and then switched his view towards the worn-out mistress. His eyes widened, as the answer to the question he had been asking the whole time had finally gotten an answer.

* * *

The golden sky of the setting sun dyed the world yellow, as the two side-kicks feebly followed their boss back to where ever he was heading.

"We still haven't found any abnormalities and the day is almost over," Shinpachi sighed, "Could this take longer than I thought it would?"

"Shinpachi you iiiidioooooot," Kagura said, "Did you think it would be easy? You thought the adventure of Gokku would be easy as a pie yes? Let me tell you Patsuan, we're still far off! It'll be long before we gather all seven dragon chinkos, you understand yes?!"

"Yeah, but it's almost been a whole day, and we're almost out of time..." Shinpachi said, and was immediately shaken around violently like a baby rattle by Kagura.

"SHADDUUUUP!" She groaned, "I'M HUNGRY, STARVING SO WE HAVE NO NEED FOR YOUR EXCUSES! MY BELLY'S BEEN FEELING LIKE IT'S BEING TWISTED INTO A TOOTSIE ROLL! IT'S BEING CONDEEEENSED!"

"C-CA-CAL-CALM D-D-D-OWW-DOWN!" Shinpachi yelled, as he was shaken back and forth in the Yato's iron grip, before noticing something behind her, "LO-LOOK!"

"SHIROYASHA-DONO IS BACK!" A wounded soldier shouted, and the rest of the injured soldiers gave a cheer of relief, "Please sir, you gotta help us!"

Gintoki sighed, "Is it the amanto again? Seriously, it's the third time this week. What, is it a bomb? A spy? A raid?"

"No, but a MADAO-class titan has barged in the towers of our camp!" the soldier cried, "It's eating all of our confidence and spirit!"

A huge towering figure known as a titan slowly lifted itself above the buildings they had been temporarily using. It was a MADAO with unusually big blaring sunglasses, that blinded everything that looked directly at it. It would've been completely nude, if it wasn't for the make-shift diaper it had constructed with newspapers full of job adds, which showed he had some form of intelligence.

He threw thousands of small shining souls down his throat, leaving all victims collapsed on the floor, shivering and drowning in the misery of the jobless and the hopeless. It was dark and cold, as everyone slowly morphed into a MADAO and started engulfing other souls.

"Kagura..."

"Yes?"

"This is such a rip off from Attack on Titans."

"They probably have no imagination-aru."

"Yeah..."

The area roamed with titans, as the soldiers got infected with MADAO syndrome one after another. The largest MADAO (and also the original) lifted his head up to the sky and screamed, "GIVE ME A JOOOOOOOOB," before smashing his fists down on the ground.

He stayed there.

And tears started to form.

"He is crying yes?"

"It must've hurt."

"MADAO! What are you, a wimp? WIIIIMP!"

"Kagura-chan, that's kind of rude, you shouldn't call people names, even if he is a MADAO."

"But by calling him a MADAO, you're calling him a name yes? After all, he _is _a good-for-nothing old man yes?"

"...that's true."

"Shinpachi look, he's getting out a rope."

"Looks like he's gonna hang himself."

"AH! He can't find a high enough place to hang himself."

"Is he crying again?"

"OIIII CRYBABY! MADAO YOU'RE SUCH A CRYBABYYYY!"

"Kagura, that's enough! ...Oh he's given up on hanging himself. Is that a knife?"

"OOOI IF YOU CUT YOURSELF, YOUR BLOOD WILL MAKE WATERFALLS MADAO! THINK ABOUT OTHERS, YOUR RED WILL STAND OUT IF IT STAINS MY CLOTHES!"

"Kagura, your clothes are red."

"And yellow! Oi! Patsuan, he's running away!"

"No wait, he's coming back... What's he doing? Oh he wants us to be his _hara-kiri_." _(the one that chops off the persons head while the person commits seppuku (suicide))_

"YOU THINK YOU CAN STILL DIE WITH DIGNITY?! AFTER WHAT YOU'VE DONE MADAO?! SHAME!"

"Kagura-chan! That was so rude!"

"Sorry. I just don't want to get it all bloody (my clothes-aru). Especially with dirty blood. PEH!" She super-spat a loogie onto the MADAO's face.

"That's going too far Kagura-chan, even if he is a dirty old man," Shinpachi scolded.

The two became silenced, as the MADAO-class titan raised his hand in request for some quietude. Rain started to drip from the graying clouds, and it started to build up into a light spring shower.

**"...That's enough..."** the MADAO chuckled, the tears of blood on his face being washed away by the droplets of water, **"I'll stop bothering you guys and go away... forever..."**

And with that, he and the other MADAOs jumped at each other and ripped apart each others throats. Blood splattered everywhere. Internal organs were ripped out of bodies and skin was peeled off by the frightening power of their fingers. By the time every single titan was dead, the gruesome scene ended and the memory returned back to normal.

Shinpachi and Kagura were whisked away to the next memory...

* * *

_**Behind the scenez: Part 2**_

_"OOOOI THAT LEFT A REAAALLY BAD AFTERTASTE AUTHOR-SAN!" Shinpachi protested, very much disturbed by the conclusion of the chapter, "WE JUST CAUSED A SUPER GRUESOME BLOODY MASSACRE!"_

_**Apologies on the authors behalf, as an abrupt ending sounded like a good idea at the time. (Mainly due to the fact she had no idea how to end it.)**_

_"BUT THAT ENDING WAS WAAAY TOO FORCED! HAS SHE GOT NO COMMON SENSE?!" Shinpachi groaned, "Kagura-chan! Don't you have anything to say about this?!"_

_"She gave me sukonbu so all is fine," Kagura grinned happily, chewing on her favorite snack, "_guru guru guru guru guru guru~_"_

_"WHAT ABOUT YOU GIN-SAN?!"_

_"Uuum, well, about that..." Gintoki trailed off tediously, scratching his head in an unconcerned manner, "She's done a better job than I woulda done anyway. Plus, I don't really care, as long as I've got my joystick back to its original size."__  
_

_**Might I add, the author has mentioned something about reverting you back to your stages of puberty. Will that bode well with your interests?**_

_Gintoki's face paled, "No... she can't do this to me... back to when I was just learning about the boldness of my chinko, and how much it loved to stand up for itself..._ _the acne... SHE CAN'T DO THIS TO ME!"_

_**Unfortunately, she can. I am sorry Gin-sama, I pity you, but it must be done for the fans.**_

_"NOOO! PLEASE DON'T! I'LL DO ANYTHING! I'LL GIVE YOU 300 YEN IF YOU DON'T AUTHOR-SAAAN! PLEASE?! 300 YEN COULD BUY A REALLY COOL ERASER! IT COULD BE A GLOW IN THE DARK ERASER! THINK ABOUT IT!"_

**_The author wants to make sure... 'anything?'_**

_"ANYTHING (AS LONG AS IT ONLY COSTS 300 YEN)"_

**_The author would like to inform you about her recent status, as she has been fancying of this thing called... "yaoi"... *pervy grin*"_****_  
_**

_"...Damn you guys!"_


End file.
